http://harpinder.wetpaint.com/pageSearch/updatedRecently Updated Pages on http://harpinder.wetpaint.comen-usinfo@wetpaint.comSun, 13 Apr 2008 08:41:26 CDTSun, 13 Apr 2008 08:41:26 CDTwetpaint.com60http://image.wetpaint.com/wiki/logo/image/1jrVLJe$XjpTzp$bvRp10iw==15021/GW308H200http://harpinder.wetpaint.comhttp://harpinder.wetpaint.com/page/Homeharpinder_infohttp://harpinder.wetpaint.com/page/HomeSun, 13 Apr 2008 08:41:26 CDT<div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> </div> <br><b>Send Free SMS to your Nears n Dears absolutly Free try it by clicking below link:-</b><br><b><a class="external" href="http://harpinder.wetpaint.comhttp://www.youmint.com/network-harpinder" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.youmint.com/network-harpinder</a></b><br><br>You can also visit these sites: -<br><a class="external" href="http://harpinder.wetpaint.comhttp://www.whereincity.com/personal/harpinder_info" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.whereincity.com/personal/harpinder_info</a><br><a class="external" href="http://harpinder.wetpaint.comhttp://www.freewebs.com/harpinder_info" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.freewebs.com/harpinder_info</a><br><a href="http://harpinder.wetpaint.com/" target="_self">www.harpinder.wetpaint.com</a><br><br><br><b>Harpinder Singh </b><b>Contact:</b><br>H-No. 6/20, Housing Board Colony, Cell No.: 09463606002, 09463311146<br>Dhangu Road, Pathankot, Distt: Gurdaspur, E-mail: <a href="http://harpinder.wetpaint.com/mail2harpinder@gmail.com" target="_self">mail2harpinder@gmail.com</a><br>State: Punjab, Pin: 145 001.<hr size="1"><br/>http://harpinder.wetpaint.com/page/Jokes+%26+SMSharpinder_infohttp://harpinder.wetpaint.com/page/Jokes+%26+SMSTue, 08 Apr 2008 12:11:57 CDT<div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000"><font color="#d90bbd"><b>ਅੱਖ ਵਿਚ ਪੈ ਜਾਵੇ ਵਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,<br>ਜਿੰਦਰੇ ਨੂੰ ਲੱਗ ਜੇ ਜੰਗਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,<br>ਯਾਰ ਮਿਲੇ ਰੂਹ ਦਾ ਕੰਗਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,<br>ਬੈਂਕ ਦਾ ਵਿਆਜ਼ ਕਈ ਸਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,<br>ਲਾਲਚ ਤੇ ਗੁੱਸਾ, ਸਾਡ਼ਾ, ਈਰਖਾ ਹਰੇਕ ਜਗਾ੍ ,<br>ਉ ਪੈ ਗਿਆ ਮੋਹਬੱਤਾਂ ਦਾ ਕਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,<br>ਜਵਾਨੀ ਵਿਚ ਜੇਨੂੰ ਕਦੇ ਰੱਬ ਨਈਉਂ ਯਾਦ ਆਉਂਦਾ,<br>ਬੁਡ਼ਾਪੇ ਵਿਚ ਮੌਤ ਦਾ ਖਿਆਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,<br>ਮਿਲੇ ਨਾ ਜੇ ਮਾਲ ਬਡ਼ੇ ਚੀਕਦੇ ਟਰੱਕਾਂ ਵਾਲੇ,<br>ਅਮਲੀ ਦਾ ਮੁੱਕਜਾਵੇ ਮਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,<br>ਉਏ ਆਸ਼ਕ ਨਲੈਕ ਤੇ ਮਸ਼ੂਕਾਂ ਹੋਸ਼ੀਆਰ ਬਹੁਤ,<br>ਅੱਖਾਂ ਰਾਹੀਂ ਪਾਉਦਿਆਂ ਸਵਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,<br>ਘੁੱਟੀ ਚਾਰੇ ਪਾਸਿਉਂ ਰਜਾਈ ਤਾਵੀਂ ਠੰਡ ਲਗ,<br>ਬੰਟੀ ਛਡੇ ਬੰਦੇ ਨੂੰ ਸਿਆਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ. </b></font></font><br><br><font color="#ff0000"><font color="#d90bbd">एक दिन राजू के</font> <font color="#c819e3">पापा एक रोबोट ले कर आये.<br>वह रोबोट झूठ पकड़ सकता था और झूठ बोलने वाले को गाल पर खीँच कर चांटा मार देता था.<br>आज राजू स्कूल से घर देर से आया था... पापा ने पूछा &quot;घर लौटने में देर क्यो हो गयी?&quot;<br>&quot;आज हमारी एक्स्ट्रा क्लासेस थी&quot; राजू ने जवाब दिया...<br>रोबोट अचानक अपनी जगह से उछला और जमकर राजू के गाल पर चांटा मार दिया.<br>पापा हंसकर बोले, &quot;ये रोबोट हर झूठ को पकड़ सकता है और झूठ बोलने वाले को चांटा भी मारता है. अब सच क्या है यह बताओ... कहाँ गए थे?&quot;<br>&quot;में फिल्म देखने गया था&quot; राजू बोला<br>&quot;कौन सी फिल्म?&quot; पापा ने कड़ककर पूछा<br>&quot;हनुमान&quot;<br>चटाक... अभी राजू की बात पूरी भी नहीं हुई थी की उसके गाल पर रोबोट ने एक जोर का चांटा मारा.<br>&quot;कौन सी फिल्म?&quot; पापा ने फिर पूछा<br>&quot;कातिल जवानी.&quot;<br>पापा ग़ुस्से में बोले &quot;शर्म आनी चाहिए तुम्हे. जब में तुम्हारे जितना था तब ऐसी हरकत नहीं किया करता था.&quot;<br>चटाक... रोबोट ने एक चांटा मारा... इस बार पापा के गाल पर.<br>यह सुनते ही मम्मी किचन में से आते हुए बोली &quot;आख़िर तुम्हारा बेटा है ना... झूठ तो बोलेगा ही&quot;<br>अब मम्मी की बारी थी... चटाक.</font>..<br></font><br><font color="#ff0000">*Humne jab kabhi khushi mehsoos ki, Her kadam pe aapki kami mahsoos ki,Door rehkar bhi aapki dosti kam na hoi, ya baat humne Dil se mahsoos ki..</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Duniya main 3 chezee kabhi bhi aa sakti hai &hellip;paisa&hellip; &hellip;mout&hellip; &hellip;aur&hellip; &hellip; aur&hellip; &hellip;aur&hellip; mera SMS..</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Dost 1 sahil hai tufan k liye Dost 1 ayina hay armano liye Dost 1 mahfil hai anjano k liye Dost 1 kwahish hai aap jaise dost paane k liye.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*D se Dosti, D se Dil, D se Dard, D se Dillagi, D se Dewangi per D se itna bhi Dur na ho jana ki S se SMS our C se call bhi na kar sako&hellip;</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Dosti achi ho tu rang lati hai, Dosti gehri ho tu sabki bhati hai, Dosti nadan ho tu toot jati hay, per dost hamse ho tu itihass ban jati hai&hellip;</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Promise me v r true frindz, i&rsquo;m lamp ur lite, i&rsquo;m coke ur sprite, i&rsquo;m saawan u r baadal, i&rsquo;m normal ur pagal. ha ha ha</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Sabse intelligent koun: TUM , sabse smart koun: TUM sabse storng koun: TUM in sab me TUM se zeyada koun: HUM lakin dunia me sabse acha dost kaun: HUM TUM</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Na chahat hai sitaron ki, Na tamana hay nazaroon ki, Aap jaoisa ek dost mila tu kya zarorat hay hazaron ki..</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Umid aise ho jo jeeny ko majbor kare, raah aisi ho jo chanle ko majbur kare. mahak kum na ho kabhi apni dosti ki, dosti aisi ho jo milne ko majbur kare..</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Ya dil pyar ke qabil na raha, Koi bhi izhar ke qabil na raha,Is dil main bas gayi dosti aapki ab tu chand bhi deedar ke kabil na raha!kal ho na ho..aj tu hai&hellip;aaj ho na ho&hellip;ya pel tu hay..ya pal ho na ho..hum tu hian&hellip;hum ho na ho..humari dosti tu hay&hellip;</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Aey mere SMS mere dost ke pass jana.. ager wo so rahi ho tu shor mat machana, jab wo jage tu dheere say MUSKURANA phir khana KUNJUS sms karoo!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Are o friendwa, tohar smswa ka intejar ma hum mubilewa hath me liye 1 ghantae se baitha hun.Tanik idhar bhi dhayan dai diyo our ekad msgwa bhijwai do..Tohara Dost..</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Jani wo pyar hi kya jisme JUDAI na ho, wo ishq hi kya jis me LADAI na ho, wo dil hi kya jisme DARD na ho, aur wo MOBILE hi kya jisme aap ka SMS na ho..</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Dua kerte hai hum KHUDA se! Aye KHUDA humara pyara apni manzil paye! uski raho me andhera aaye.. To roshni k liye humay jalaye!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Kya mamu apun ki yaad vaad nahi aa reli kya? kya apun hi tere ko aisa jhakas msg bhejta rehenga kya? bolo to tu bhi ek-do repchik msg chipka dal!!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Pathar se dosti, Jan ko khatra.Pathan se dosti, Demagh ko khatra. Daru say dosti,LIver ko khatra.Hum say dosti, rat be rat SMS ka khatra!!</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Mandir mein jaap karta hoon, </font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Masjid mein adaab karta hoon, </font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">PEPSI ka cr8 ho,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">ANDE ka oml8 ho,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai, birdy gaana ga rahe hain,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Cow log grass eat rahe hain,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">shaane log SMS kar rahe hain</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahe hain</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Sagar se gahara koi nahi.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Aab aapki kya tarif karu...</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Dost me aap jaisa...</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Nalayak koi nahi!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*A Friendship is Sweet when its NEW</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Its Sweeter when its TRUE</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">But Its Sweetest when the friend is like U.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">*Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">gamm ke saagar me is kadar kho gayi hai,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">tum kar do ek SMS yeh gujarish hai meri,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">tumari SMS ki adat si ho gayi hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">*If u want success in life; be Sweet like Honey, Regular like Clock, Fresh like Rose, Soft like Tissue, Strong like Rock, Sure like Death &amp; smart like ME.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Then my heart answers it&#39;s simply because mental patient needs more care.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Q: What&#39;s the difference between gud &amp; bad gals? A: Gud gals loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; If I ever go for a brain transplant I&rsquo;d like 2 use ur brain. It&#39;s not because u r a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Q: Why do men fart more often than women?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Namaskar. This is All India Anti -Sleep Association Mid Night Service. Our Aim is 2 Disturb the Sleep of Others. Thank You.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn&#39;t let you touch me below my belt.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Tussi brilliant, beautiful, genius, smart, nice, gud looking, intelligent, respectful, kind, ideal sohne sunakhe Punjabi gabru da sms par rahe ho.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; My goal is to be a failure! If I reach my goal, I&#39;ll be successful and if I don&#39;t reach my goal, I&#39;ll still be successful.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty is the inner self, so change your underwear daily.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Jab tum hanstey ho to lagta hai ki insaan pehle bandar tha!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Dekho gussa mat karo kyonki jab tum gussa karte ho to lagta hai ki insaan aaj bhi bandar hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that&#39;s where you get your shitty ideas from!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Iss ko waqt se pehle kyon mara?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Yaad mein tumhari mujhe loose motions lag gaye hain. Hain to ye aanso per lagta hai raasta bhatak gaye hain.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Can&#39;t believe that after all the shit that&#39;s happened between them, they are still together.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Who?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Ur bums. </font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Osama to Big B: How are you??</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Look at the ocean &amp; see God&#39;s abundance! Look at the sky &amp; see God&#39;s glory! Look at the moon &amp; see God&#39;s wonder! Look at the mirror &amp; see God&#39;s Blunder!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Q: What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">A: A Moti-vaiting.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.</font></div> <div align="center"> &bull; <font color="#ff0000">Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Premika: Dhokla.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME &amp; nut like U.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about others &amp; legends never talk, they send SMS.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">What&#39;s the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you &amp; torture is thinking of you too much.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Banta: How does an attorney sleep?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Santa: First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask for the time! I mean, seriously, do I point to my crotch when I need to go to a Restroom?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee spallings meestaikes... vaat ees yorr opeeniun?</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Hi! Need one girl to marry... Age no bar, color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but girl&#39;s father must have his own bar...CHEERS</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Santa beer bar c ro riha c, Bar owner: Kyon ro rahe ho?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Santa: Oye ki karaan? Main jis kudi da naam bhulna chahunda haan, usda naam yaad hi nahin aa riha.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Santa: Yaar Bhabhi kithe hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Banta: &quot;Kapoorthale&quot;.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Santa: Teri bhain di!! Asi mar gaye si jo Kapoor de thale bhej Ditti.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Never Kiss a police woman she&#39;ll say stop hands up.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Never kiss a nurse She&#39;ll say Next plz.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Always kiss a teacher she&#39;ll say repeat it 10 times &amp; Do it properly.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Hasdi C......</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Hasaundi C.....</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Baalaan nu lehraundi C....</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Dekh Ke sharmaundi C.....</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Kuch soch k phir muskuraundi C....</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Aj pta laga saali FUDDU banaundi C....</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; **DANGER**</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Train Ki patri pe tatti mat karo, Engine ayega Chuttar katt jayega,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Aaj haath se chuttar dhote ho- Kal Chuttar se haath dho baithoge.</font> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Girl 2 rikshaw wala: Kyon bhaiya jayega?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Rikshaw Wala: Jayega kyun nahi! Abhi-Abhi grease lga k khada kiya hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">To tkeek hai mod ke peeche le lo.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Be close with someone who makes you happy. But be closer to that person who can&#39;t be happy without you! Feel the difference. Gud Day!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; <font color="#ff0000">Let luv be the guide to ur dreams, let luv be the light to ur heart, let ur luv be the reason why somebody else&#39;s heart still continues to beat.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Memories play a confusing role. They make u laugh when u remember the time u cried together! But make u cry when u remember the time u laughed together.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; An simple Bye make us cry, A simple Joke make us laugh, simple Care make us fall in love. I hope my simple SMS make you think of me. I Miss U</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Some men have have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; I Miss U a little, you could say: A little too much, a little too often and a little more each day.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Knock!Knock! May I come into ur world? I bring no flowers, no cakes but wishes to keep U fresh, prayer to keep u healthy &amp; luv to keep u smiling. Gud Morning!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Open ur door when u r alone, Open ur heart when u feel sad... But don&#39;t open ur hand when u need a friend, coz I&#39;m already holding ur hand forever</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; A day may start or end without a message from me, but believe me it won&#39;t start or end without me thinking of u... Gud Morning!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Old friends r gold. New friends may be diamond. If u get diamond, don&#39;t ever forget the gold because to hold a diamond u always need a base of gold.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Difficulties in ur life doesn&#39;t come to destroy u, but to help u realisee your hidden potentia. Let difficulties know that u r More Difficult.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Worst thing in life? Someone has tears in eyes because of U. And the best thing? Someone has tears in eyes for U.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Every failure is a lesson well-learned, Every Success is a battle well-fought, and True Luv is a jewel well-kept, in one&#39;s heart.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; On the canvas of life we often go off colour, but as long as people like u are there to add the right shades, life goes on to be a rainbow! Gud Morning.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Troubles r like washing machine; They twist, turn &amp; knock us around, but in the end we come out brighter than before. Gud Day!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; You are my best friend forever and always we&#39;re together too much but far not enough &amp; if you die before I do ask God if heaven is got room for two.</font> </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when best things in life we do naked.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; A new day, a new sun, makes us to have a new run. Come out of ur dreams &amp; see the world outstide. Waiting for u is a new day. Gud Morning!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Smile is a lnguage of Luv. Smile is a way to get success, Smile is to win the hearts. Smile improves ur personality. Brush daily. Gud Morning</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home! Let&#39;s Thank... KAAMWALI</font> </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Narad Muni dharti par madira peene aaye,12 botal pilane k baad theke wala: Apko chadhti kyun nahi ?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Narad: Main Bhagwaan Hoon.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Theke wala: Chad gayi saley ko.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Mashooka: Lagta hai meri aankh mein kuch gir gaya, dekho to.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Mashook: Ek tinka dikh to raha hai, kyon na usey wahin rahne diya jaye main doobonga to sahara dega.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Boy: I&#39;m not rich like Rahul, I don&#39;t even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!</font> </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Reverse dynamics: When a man becomes rich he becomes naughty &amp; when a woman becomes naughty.... she becomes rich.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; A lady is standing on top of the hill n she is going to push her father down. So what&#39;s the name of the lady?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Push......Paa.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when best things in life we do naked.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Bengali patient: Doc sahab, potla-potla totti aata hai, khane ko man nahin karta hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Doc: Yeh lo dawai, mota-mota totti aayega, jaise marzi kaat ke khana</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Boy: Tum gaana bahut achcha aato ho.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Gal: Nahin, mein to sirf bathroom singer hoon.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Boy: To bulaao na kabhi, mehfil jamaate hain.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Biscuit maker&#39;s Luv Letter: Dear Marie yesterday was a very Good Day, our meeting was truely Nice, but the chance of our Luv is 50-50 coz ur dad is a Tiger. Will u give ur Littlr Heart 2 me? Otherwise I&#39;ll become a Krack-Jack</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys; Fun with Handsome Boys; Friendship with Charming Boys; Contacts with Intelligent Boys; Flirt with Freaky Boys; Love with Faithful Boys &amp; in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; When I send SMS to u, it doesn&#39;t mean that u have to do the same... U can also send fruits, drinks, pizza, chocolates by courier. DD &amp; Cheques r also accepted.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Thought of the day: Agar aap bus pe chade... ya phir bus aap pe chade... dono marthaba ticket aapka hi kat ta hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Rabba dukh na devin yaar mere nu, saanu chahe dukhan da pahaar de de,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Phire nawe HERO JET cycle utte yaar mera, saanu bhaven purani Mercedes car de de</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Phir likha: SHUBH LABH</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Ravan was sent to court &amp; was asked to keep a hand on Geeta.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">He refused saying: Sita par hath rakh kar itni musibat aayi! Ab Geeta pe haath nahin rakhunga</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; J kade tera kalle da paga 10 bandeyan naal pai jaave ta mainu sad layin, main kade kisi nu kut paindi nahin dekhi !</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Munda: Haan</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Sharaab?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Haan</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Drugs?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Haan</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Jua?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Haan</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Munda: Haanji, HIV+</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile, meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Gabbar: Kitne admi they?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Sambha: Sardar 2</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata&gt;</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Plz pass this SMS to all ur friends. A person urgently needs 3 bottles of....</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Foster beer (chilled) with chips. It&#39;s urgent Cell no &amp; name is as displayed</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; People who do lots of work&hellip;make lots of mistakes,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">People who do less work&hellip;make less mistakes,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">People who do no work&hellip;make no mistakes,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">People who make no mistakes&hellip;get promoted.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; What is the height of Flirting?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">It&#39;s When your love letter starts with: TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Kya hoga agar Pepsodent waale condom banaye to...??</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Hona kya hai? Raat bhar Dishum, dishum...!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Girl: Aur us dress ka?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Ganguly&rsquo;s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Ganguly&rsquo;s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband &amp; the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id...!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Kudi waale pandit nu: Saanu aheja munda chahida jehra kuj khanda penda na howe.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Pandit: Aheja munda taan PGI Emergency ward ch hi mil sakda hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe; jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe...!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Toh asli Ravan kaun??</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi, jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha. Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya. Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to plz candle bujha dena</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry &amp; asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Boy: Yes, I saw dad.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; A friend is: Who lends you...</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Pen in School...</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; In French: Bon jour</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">In Spanish: Te Quiro</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">In Italian: Teamo</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">In Yugoslav: Volim Te</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">In English: Good Morning</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Q: Why do all Afghans carry a piece of sandpaper?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">A: Because they need a map.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; An old to Doc: Doc, I think I&#39;m getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Doc: That&#39;s not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Astrologer: U&#39;ll meet a young gal who wanna everything about u.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Frog: When n where?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Astrologer: Next semester in Biology lab</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath...</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Teacher to class: A for?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Class: Apple</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Teacher: Jor Se Bolo</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Class: Jai Mata Di</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Monday went on Tuesday 2 Wednesday and asked Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that Sunday is a holiday. Have a Great Sunday...</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein Recharge Coupon diye jayenge. Kisi aur ko mat batana. Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon ko bheje ja raha hai</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Both don&#39;t exist.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above... So always Brush ur Teeth</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam. Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Teri awaz sunne ko jab taras jata hoon, to ghisa pita cd player chala leta hoon. Teri surat ko jab taras jaata hoon, to cartoon network laga leta hoon. Waqt hona chaiye kisi ko yaad karne ke liye, bahane to apne aap hi mil jate hain</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Red Rose: Luv</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Yelloe Rose: Friendship</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">White Rose: Peace</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Which Rose for u?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Nima Rose. Tan ki Durgandh Dur Kare, De Taazgi</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai, aaj nahin aaya, kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Thought for the future generation: Don&#39;t marry &amp; make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor &amp; make several women happy.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath dekha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha</div> <div align="center"> Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; U r thousands of miles away from me, still I&#39;m watching ur every movement on 3 difft channels: Pogo, Cartoon network &amp; Animal planet. Thnx to media</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Tommy ne meri saari kitaab kha layi</div> <div align="center"> Mother: Ohnu mere kole leke aa mein usnu saja dewan</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Saja ta mein de diti, usdi kauli wala dudh mein pee gaya</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience &amp; motherly treatment... warm b&#39;coz AC doesn&#39;t work &amp; motherly because Air hostesses are above 50</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?</div> <div align="center"> The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three year old, &quot;If you pretend you&#39;re asleep, he stops.&quot;</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.</div> <div align="center"> Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?</div> <div align="center"> French: Toilette pepper!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Bush: Wow! How many?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians &amp; if possible 1 Astronnaut</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Girl&#39;s excuses: Phone mat kiya karo dear, mom hoti hai near, papa se lagta hai fear, baat nahin hoti hai clear. Isliye SMS kiya karo dear without fear n very clear</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; What&#39;s the definition of a skeleton?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">A striptease that went just too far...</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?</div> <div align="center"> Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.</div> <div align="center"> Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">TT: Ticket hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Sadhu: Nahin</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">TT: Chalo</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Sadhu: Kahan?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein</font> </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Girl: If u&#39;ll try to kiss me, main shor macha doongi.</div> <div align="center"> Boy: Lekin yahan to dur-dur tak koi nahin hai.</div> <div align="center"> Girl: I know but formality to karni hi padegi&hellip;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Gud Morning... Kindly observe SILENCE for two minutes in the memory of those poor mosquitoes who died last night after sucking ur blood. Thanks</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I&#39;d climb the highest mountain. I&#39;d swim the ocean blue, I&#39;d do anything my dear- Just to get away from you</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; A sexy woman is like a 1000 Rupee note. U don&#39;t know how many have handled it but u still want to have it.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; When things go wrong, when sadness fills ur heart, when tears flow in ur eyes, always remember 3 things: I&rsquo;m with u, U have money &amp; Bar is open</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n <a href="http://harpinder.wetpaint.commailto:sell@15.25" target="_self">sell@15.25</a>, it&#39;s loss or profit?</div> <div align="center"> Pappu: Profit in rupees &amp; loss in paise</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Some dead people went to hell &amp; were glad after seeing the board on gate. Why?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Because it reads: NO SEATS EXCEPT FOR SC/ST/OBC</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I have started luving &#39;U&#39;... I know it sounds ridiculous but I can&#39;t control my feelings 4 &#39;U&#39;. Some time later I&#39;ll start luving more ALPHABETS.!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Once in a jungle all the animals were eating PAN PARAG PAN MASALA</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">But girraffe was not eating. Why?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Because Oonche log oonchi pasand MANIKCHAND</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; 1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi</div> <div align="center"> Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?</div> <div align="center"> 2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi</div> <div align="center"> Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; At a Rly stn a gal cheked her weight-58 kg</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">She removed sandal-56 kg</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Then removed jacket-53kg</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Then dupatta-52 kg</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Coins khatam.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">A baba in q behind her said- Beebe tu kam chaalu rakh, bhaan batheri hai babay kol</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Similarity between Gandhiji &amp; Mallika?</div> <div align="center"> Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi, Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi, Chaal MOR jaisi, Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi. Acha hota agar koi ek cheez Insanon Wali Bhi Hoti</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A woman had triplets, she named them Mat, Pat &amp; Tat. She fed Mat from left tit, Pat from her right tit...</div> <div align="center"> Moral of the story: No Tit for Tat</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Nasha aankho me hota hai Sharaab mein nahin, Sharddha Dil me hoti hai Mandir mein nahin..... Dosti SMS karne se badhti hai, SMS padhne se nahi....</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,</div> <div align="center"> Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,</div> <div align="center"> Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,</div> <div align="center"> Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Teri Maa Di,</div> <div align="center"> Tere Peo Di,</div> <div align="center"> Teri Behan Di,</div> <div align="center"> Tere Bhra Di,</div> <div align="center"> Teri Bhabi Di,</div> <div align="center"> Tere Pure Khandan Di,</div> <div align="center"> Te Meri v Tu Jaan Hai</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Mohabbat 1 bar ho jaye us ko bholapan kehtay hain, 2 bar ho jaye us ko dewaanapan kehtay hain, 3 bar hoo jaye us ko pagalpan kehtay hain, agar phir bhi na rukhay to use kameenapan kehtay hai</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Khuda bachaye hamein in haseenon se, naazneenon se, dilnasheenon se, jaaasheenon se... par inhe kaun bachaye hum kameenon se...</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; Jab apka SMS ata hai mera rom-rom machal jata hai, sara badan kaamp jata hai, dil main gudgudi si hoti hai. Stupid, yeh apka kasoor nahi, mera phone Vibrator per hota hai</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Judge: U r crossing the limits.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Judge: How dare you call me saala?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun &#39;Sa Law&#39; kehta hai?</font> </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.</div> <div align="center"> Saheb: Kal aana.</div> <div align="center"> Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Bhagwan apki umar lambi karey! Bhagwan apko Naukri de! Bhagwan apko Khush rakhe! Bhagwan apko Barkat de! Yaad ho gaya? Chal phir Katora utha aur shooru ho ja</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Jodhpur jail ordered the purchase order of 999 shirts n 1000 pants for inmates. Guess y this odd combination?</div> <div align="center"> Salman Khan is coming</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; May our friendship turn into silver, silver into gold, gold into diamonds... and may our diamonds be forever... Then we&#39;ll sell it OK? Fifty-Fifty</font> </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Devdas&#39;s matrimonial ad- Wanted wife. Age no bar! Height No bar! Luks no bar! Caste No Bar!</div> <div align="center"> But gal&#39;s father shoul have his own Bar.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; FOOL se, FOOL ne, FOOLon ki FOOLwari me FOOL ke sath wish kiya &#39;You are the most beautiFOOL, colorFOOL &amp; wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; What do u call a woman in heaven?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">An Angel</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">A crowd of woman in heaven?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">A host of Angels</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">And all woman in heaven?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">PEACE ON EARTH!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi Hon, Sabko Punjab aur Haryana bhej do</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; What&#39;s the diff between Dava &amp;d Daru?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I just bought a used car. It&#39;s a convertible. You turn the key, and it converts into a piece of crap. -Scott E. Roeben</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Sorry recharge khatam ho gaya. Galfriend ko I luv u bolna hai or recharge khatam. Ab kya kare? Mein batata hoon kya karein. Theke pe jao, quarter lo, 4 peg maro or g/f k ghar k bahar khade ho k jor se chilaao I Luv U. Kabootar mehenga pad jaayega. Rum ka Paua ab sirf 10 RS mein.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA &amp; PANTY.</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Always start your day with a lot of S E X</div> <div align="center"> S-mile</div> <div align="center"> E-nergy</div> <div align="center"> X-citement</div> <div align="center"> so make SEX a daily habit, &amp; u&#39;ll always be SMILING!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Do you know the difference between a pun and a fart?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">A pun is a sudden shift of wit!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A Chinese couple Mr &amp; Miss Hua got twins without marriage. What did they named them?</div> <div align="center"> They named them as &#39;Jo-Jua&#39;, &#39;So-Hua&#39;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?</div> <div align="center"> Wow! New Underwear.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome u r, it is not ur figure too... Beauty is the inner self, so change ur underwear daily.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?</div> <div align="center"> Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says &#39;To the only boy I ever loved&#39;</div> <div align="center"> Gal: Great! I want 10 of them </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; It&#39;s the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It&#39;s called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Ki kariye lokan da, har gal nu lok jhamela kehnde ne,</div> <div align="center"> Je sms na kariye ta kanjoos, te je kariye ta Vehla kehnde ne! </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Oh menu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Oh mneu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Na paper mainu aanda c, na paper ohnu aanda c</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; What&#39;s the difference between wife n neighbours wife?</div> <div align="center"> Wife is a chocolate, can have any time. Neighbour&#39;s wife is like an ice-cream, shud hv immediately. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV chahe 14&quot; ka ho ya 29&quot; ka remote 6&quot; ka hi hota hai.</font> </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; How do u know when kids start to grow up?</div> <div align="center"> Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; A baby fish asked her mother: Y can&#39;t we live on earth?</font></div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it&#39;s made for SELFISH.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Fill in the blank with yes or NO only.</div> <div align="center"> _______I M NOT A Male.</div> <div align="center"> Koi jaldi nahin hai, aaram se soch kar bata dena.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai. Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.</div> <div align="center"> Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you&#39;ve always been a headache!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates</div> <div align="center"> Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Woman has man in it, Mrs has Mr in it, female has male in it, Madam has adam in it, so girls r always incomplete without boys.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Namashkar, yeh hamari faltoo SMS seva hai, is mein hum logon ko waqt-bewaqt tang karte hain. Is seva ka labh uthane ke liye shukriya, ab aap apna kaam kariye.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; I have started luving &#39;U&#39;... I know it sounds rediculous but I can&#39;t control my feelings 4 &#39;U&#39;. Some time later I&#39;ll start luving more ALPHABETS...!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Ramchandra kah gaye siya se, aisa kalyug aayega, sifr ek dost SMS karega, dusara kamina bas padh ke muskurayega!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo saare samaj ko khatam kar rahi hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Can&#39;t believe after all the shit they have been through they&#39;re still together............Who?</div> <div align="center"> Your bum cheeks!!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#0000ff">&bull; Tum Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Muskarate Raho, Sada Khilkhilate Raho, Khush Raho, Mera Kya hain Log Tumhe hi Paagal kahenge! Ha ha ha!</font></div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; SMS ka sangrah karke kya paayega vats...? Balance ka moh tyag aur sms kar... Mitron se sampark banaye rakhne se hi moksha ki prapti hogi... Swami Messageanand.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.&hellip;&hellip;. Nice Ass!!!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A history teacher &amp; his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. &#39;Anything new at work?&#39;</div> <div align="center"> He replied, &#39;No, I&#39;m teaching History.&#39;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: What&#39;s the diff between mother &amp; wife?</div> <div align="center"> A: One woman brings into the world crying &amp; the other ensures you continue to do so.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; When I go wrong, I need ur hand 2 correct, wen emotions bust out, I need ur hand 2 catch, wen I win, I need ur hand 2 pat. In short:Ye Haath Mujhe De De Thakur</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Today is the International day of Smart &amp; Attractive people. Send this to someone who fits the description! Don&rsquo;t send it back; I&#39;ve already received hundreds.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; So Sweet is ur SMILE,</div> <div align="center"> So Sweet is ur STYLE,</div> <div align="center"> So Sweet is ur VOICE,</div> <div align="center"> So Sweet is ur EYE,</div> <div align="center"> see .......how Sweetly I Lie.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; The Madrasi said: I want to see the movie &#39;Heart is umbrella&#39;. Which movie did he really want to see?</div> <div align="center"> Dil Chhata Hai.......</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Geeta Sar: SMS kar aur bhool ja, reply ki apeksha mat rakh, kiya hua SMS kabhi veyarth nahi jaata, Sabko apne kiye hue SMS ka reply milta hi hai!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds...... Open ur eyes ! Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 seconds in thinking of a fool.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; God made Pepsi, God made whisky, God made me so sexy, God made rivers, God made lakes and God made you... well everybody makes mistakes. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I saw u on road today. U were lukin so fine, ur face so divine, ur walk so perfect. My heart started singing a sweet song: Who Let The Dog Out!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; When words fail... eyes work,</div> <div align="center"> when eyes fail... heart works,</div> <div align="center"> and when heart fails... to kya?,</div> <div align="center"> samajh le TAPAK gaya &#39;MAAMU&#39;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Geet Ka Saar: SMS woh gyaan hai jo baantne se badta hai, isiliye he praani tu bill ka moh tyag de aur SMS kar, isi se tera manushaya janm safal hoga.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Agar zindagi main kuch kar dikhana hai to kuch aisa karo ki jis shaher, jis gali, jis mod se gujro wahan ke har ghar se awaaz aaye, Papa aa gaye, Papa aa gaye!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Tum sada haste raho, sada muskurate raho, khush raho, gun-gunate raho, hamesha mast raho. Mera kya hai, log tumhe hi PAGAL kahenge!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; May the fleas of thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.</div> <div align="center"> Student: WOW !</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I want you to be with me in a nice restaurant to have Candle Light Dinner &amp; say those three sweet words to you....Pay The Bill.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls&#39; bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes?</div> <div align="center"> A: Lifebuoy.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; When u feel lonely and alone &amp; cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away, come along with me I&#39;ll take u to an eye specialist!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Your smile can be compared to a flower, ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo, ur innocence to a child, but in stupidity u have no comparison you r the best.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> <font color="#ff0000">&bull; If u want the latest MERCEDES BENZ on easy installments of 10 yrs without any down payment.......log onto our website:</font> <a class="external" href="http://harpinder.wetpaint.comhttp://www.kutteapniaukatmeinrah.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.kutteapniaukatmeinrah.com</a>.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Mom: Andy, where r u off to now?</div> <div align="center"> Son: I`m gonna join the army.</div> <div align="center"> Mom: But, legally u r only an infant.</div> <div align="center"> Son: That`s all right, I`m going to join the infantry.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Unlike others your brain is a masterpiece. In the left half, nothing is right and in the right half, nothing is left.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Sometimes when u cry, no 1 sees ur tears. Sometimes when u r worried, no 1 sees ur pain. Sometimes when u r happy, no 1 sees ur smile. But fart just once...</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Think big, think smart, think positive, think beautiful, think great, I know this is too much for you, so here is a shortcut... just think about ME!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Today, tommorow and yesterday there&#39;ll be one heart that would always beat for you. You know Whose?</div> <div align="center"> Your Own Stupid!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; When u smile the world smiles with u. Wen u r down people&#39;ll rally behind u but when u fart u r alone coz people&#39;ll never stand by u!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn&#39;t expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn&#39;t even tell me?</div> <div align="center"> Animal Planet!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; If u want success in life; be Sweet like Honey, Regular like Clock, Fresh like Rose, Soft like Tissue, Strong like Rock, Sure like Death &amp; smart like ME.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Then my heart answers it&#39;s simply because mental patient needs more care.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: What&#39;s the difference between gud &amp; bad gals? A: Gud gals loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; If I ever go for a brain transplant I&rsquo;d like 2 use ur brain. It&#39;s not because u r a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.</div> <div align="center"> Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: Why do men fart more often than women?</div> <div align="center"> A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Namaskar. This is All India Anti -Sleep Association Mid Night Service. Our Aim is 2 Disturb the Sleep of Others. Thank You.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?</div> <div align="center"> Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn&#39;t let you touch me below my belt. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Tussi brilliant, beautiful, genius, smart, nice, gud looking, intelligent, respectful, kind, ideal sohne sunakhe Punjabi gabru da sms par rahe ho.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; My goal is to be a failure! If I reach my goal, I&#39;ll be successful and if I don&#39;t reach my goal, I&#39;ll still be successful.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty is the inner self, so change your underwear daily. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Jab tum hanstey ho to lagta hai ki insaan pehle bandar tha!</div> <div align="center"> Dekho gussa mat karo kyonki jab tum gussa karte ho to lagta hai ki insaan aaj bhi bandar hai.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that&#39;s where you get your shitty ideas from!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Iss ko waqt se pehle kyon mara?</div> <div align="center"> Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?</div> <div align="center"> Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?</div> <div align="center"> Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Yaad mein tumhari mujhe loose motions lag gaye hain. Hain to ye aanso per lagta hai raata bhatak gaye hain.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Can&#39;t believe that after all the shit that&#39;s happened between them, they are still together.</div> <div align="center"> Who?</div> <div align="center"> Ur bums. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Osama to Big B: How are you??</div> <div align="center"> Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?</div> <div align="center"> Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Look at the ocean &amp; see God&#39;s abundance! Look at the sky &amp; see God&#39;s glory! Look at the moon &amp; see God&#39;s wonder! Look at the mirror &amp; see God&#39;s Blunder!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?</div> <div align="center"> A: A Moti-vaiting.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?</div> <div align="center"> Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!</div> <div align="center"> Premika: Dhokla.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME &amp; nut like U.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girlfriend. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about others &amp; legends never talk, they send SMS.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; The first half of our lives is spent ignoring our parents&#39; advice and the second half in trying to keep our children from ignoring ours.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; When u r down &amp; no one is there, don&#39;t think of me. When u r crying &amp; no one is there then too don&#39;t just think of me, call me up, my incoming is free.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Look at the world around u; u&rsquo;ll see God&#39;s creativity. Look at the breakfast table; u&rsquo;ll c God&#39;s providence. Look at the mirror u&rsquo;ll c God&#39;s sense of humor.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A student writes a letter via telegram to his dad. It goes... No fun, send mon, your son!</div> <div align="center"> Dad write back saying...so sad, too bad, your dad!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; You should do two things in the morning...Pray to God so you can live and have a shower so others can live.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: If a devil catches your wife, what would you do?</div> <div align="center"> A: You can do nothing. if devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; God thought that since he couldn&#39;t b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn&#39;t be everywhere he made a mother-in-law. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I want you 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry Ii cry. U lauf I lauf. U jump out of the window... I look down &amp;then... I lauf again</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass &amp; flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn&#39;t it rain on you?</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I&#39;ve written a poem for you:</div> <div align="center"> Twinkle twinkle little star,</div> <div align="center"> you should know what you are,</div> <div align="center"> and once you know what you are,</div> <div align="center"> Mental hospital is not so far.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; What&#39;s the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you &amp; torture is thinking of you too much. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Banta: How does an attorney sleep?</div> <div align="center"> Santa: First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask for the time! I mean, seriously, do I point to my crotch when I need to go to a Restroom?</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee spallings meestaikes... vaat ees yorr opeeniun? </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; It&#39;s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.</div> <div align="center"> It&#39;s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives !</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A man who surrenders when he&#39;s wrong, is Honest. A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he&#39;s Right, is a Husband.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he&#39;ll fall asleep before you finish.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; There&#39;s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It&#39;s called marriage</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?</div> <div align="center"> Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare...</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Why do Bride &amp; Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?</div> <div align="center"> To tell each other affectionately... Sweetheart U R Dead !</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Different Phases of a man:</div> <div align="center"> After engagement: Superman</div> <div align="center"> After Marriage: Gentleman</div> <div align="center"> After 10 years: Watchman</div> <div align="center"> After 20 years: Doberman </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Prospective husband: Do you have a book called &#39;Man, The Master of Women&#39;?</div> <div align="center"> Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; How Dogs and Women are alike?</div> <div align="center"> Neither believe that silence is golden, neither can balance a checkbook, and Both put too much value on kissing</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; The world&#39;s thinnest book has only one word written in it: Everything</div> <div align="center"> and the book is titled: &quot;What Woman Want!&quot;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A man who surrenders when he&#39;s WRONG, is HONEST.</div> <div align="center"> A man who surrenders when he&#39;s NOT SURE, is WISE.</div> <div align="center"> A man who surrenders when he&#39;s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Galfriends r like chocolates, taste gud anytime.</div> <div align="center"> Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.</div> <div align="center"> Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?</div> <div align="center"> Man: Don&#39;t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: Why dogs don&#39;t marry?</div> <div align="center"> A: Because they are already leading a dog&#39;s life!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thruogh hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha. Achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se barish start ho gayi.</div> <div align="center"> Dukhi aadmi: Lagta hai pahunch gayi.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; On Jeeto&rsquo;s bday Santa had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.</div> <div align="center"> When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Jitne channel TV ke, utne nakhre Biwi ke.</div> <div align="center"> TV chalta remote se, Biwi chalti hai note se.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying &amp; the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa. Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.</div> <div align="center"> Husband: Aise jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki godh mein lete hon.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: Why doesn&#39;t law permit a man to marry a second woman?</div> <div align="center"> A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Life is a paradox-what u want u don&#39;t get(luv), what u get, u don&#39;t njoy(marriage), what u njoy is not permanent(galfriend), what is permanent is boring(wife)</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him &amp; system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each other!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary.&quot;</div> <div align="center"> Kanta : I don&#39;t believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!&quot; </div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn&rsquo;t spoken to me in six months.</div> <div align="center"> Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Doctor 2 husband: Tuhadi biwi te tuhada blood group same hai.</div> <div align="center"> Husband: Hovega kyon ni, 25-saal to mera khoon jo pee rahi hai!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?</div> <div align="center"> Wife: That&#39;s a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Husband: &quot;When I&#39;m gone you&#39;ll never find another man like me.&quot;</div> <div align="center"> Wife replied: &quot;What makes you think I&#39;d want another man like you!&quot;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother &amp; said, &quot;I&#39;ve found a man just like father!&quot;</div> <div align="center"> Mother replied, &quot;So what do u want from me, sympathy?&quot;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, &quot;You know, I was a fool when I married you.&quot;</div> <div align="center"> She replied, &quot;Yes, dear, but I was in love &amp; didn&#39;t notice.&quot;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: What is difference between watch &amp; wife:?</div> <div align="center"> A: Ek kharaab hoti hai to band ho jaati hai aur doosri kharab hoti hai to chaloo ho jaati hai.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.</div> <div align="center"> Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it&#39;s 1.5 ltr.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Doctor: U n ur wife have same blood group.</div> <div align="center"> Husband: Yeh to hona hi tha 20 saal se me ra khoon jo pi rahi hai.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?</div> <div align="center"> Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Shaadi par wife boli: Aap mere PRANNATH aur mein apke CHARNO KI DASI.</div> <div align="center"> Shaadi ke baad wo ho gaya CHARANDAS aur wo hogayi PRANO KI PYASSI.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Y?</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa bar vich ro reha si. Bartender: Kyon ro rahe ho?</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Hor ki karan? Main jis kudi da naa bhulna chahunda si usda naam yaad hi nahin aa reha.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon.</div> <div align="center"> Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Maine mana kiya tha...</div> <div align="center"> Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.</div> <div align="center"> Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa was writing the passive voice of &#39;I made a mistake.&#39;</div> <div align="center"> He wrote: I was made by a mistake.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa to his son: I think it&#39;s right time we should talk about sex!</div> <div align="center"> Pappu: Sure dad, what do u want to know...?</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai.</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; An ATM&#39;s jammed &amp; failed when operated by Santa. Why? B&#39;coz he put a pin from his turban when asked: Enter ur Pin</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Kaise?</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli &#39;Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain&#39;</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.</div> <div align="center"> Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; A sweet girl goes to Banta&#39;s shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.</div> <div align="center"> Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.</div> <div align="center"> Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand &amp; ends with left hand.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai?</div> <div align="center"> Banta: No</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai?</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Aaho</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Taine Kinni vaar Kiha hai k kuttya wale kam na kareya kar.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa &amp; Banta were struck for 48 hrs on Escalators.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.</div> <div align="center"> Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; I can kiss u without even touching u.</div> <div align="center"> Gal: U can&#39;t</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki</div> <div align="center"> Gal: Ok</div> <div align="center"> Santa kisses her lips</div> <div align="center"> Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Q: What do you call a man who can&#39;t hear anything?</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Anything you want because he can&#39;t hear na!!!</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.</div> <div align="center"> Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Kya naam hai.</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Pappu: Bapu idhar aa...</div> <div align="center"> Jeeto: Aise nahin bolte beta, daddy ko izzat se bulate hai.</div> <div align="center"> Pappu: Bapu, izzat ke sath idhar aaja.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa n Banta were watchin a cricket match. When Dhoni hits a boundary.</div> <div align="center"> Banta: Kya Goal mara.</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Raha na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal ismein nahin cricket mein hota hai</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Jeeto: Sharam aani chahiye, tumhare Banta ki bibi ke saath sambandh hain.</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?</div> <div align="center"> Jeeto: Kal Banta aaya tha, usne tumhara underwear pehna hua tha</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Lady Secretary: Sir, it&#39;s ur wife&#39;s call. She wants to kiss on u the phone.</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Take msg and give me later.</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: What food u feed ur new born baby?</div> <div align="center"> Bautiful young Mom: Breast milk &amp; Orange juice...</div> <div align="center"> Santa: Oye, which side is orange juice?</div> <div align="center"> </div> <div align="center"> &bull; Santa: Oye, tera vyah ho gaya?</div> <